I've been talking. Obviously not on here, but I have been. To friends, to family members, to other artists. We talk about concerns we have in our disciples, in our fields, in our lives. We talk about problems and never having enough time and how there is always so much to do. A question I've discovered I've been asking myself is., "how is my time spent the most effectively?" And I fear that after all this time (really just a couple months) I've been pursing living completely backwards. 

I "do." I am a doer. I apply for everything I hear about, even things I know I won't even be considered for. I attend. I go to comedy shows, theatre and dance performances, galleries, festivals, sporting events, restaurants (a lot), conferences, pop up things and one off things. So essentially my time is broken up into blocks of moving from one thing to the next. Starting at responsibilities (work, intern ships, volunteering, training) to time off which usually consists of attending. Writing this now I feel pretty silly, but it occurred to me just this past week that I haven't actually been producing. I haven't personally been creating and seeing the physical manifestation of that creative inspiration. Who knew that jamming in your room doesn't cut it?

So there were and are a ton of things happening this week. And I'm missing them all. It feels strange. No, it feels wrong. Apparently I'm currently conditioned to think that is how my time (and money) should be spent. To be an active member in the community of not only arts but Toronto. The past couple days, after attending to responsibilities, I have stayed in the confines in my room, fuelled by tea, and beginning that process. Discovering the things I have collected for a later project and feeling the excitement of putting something together. 

mbdemers originals

So simple. 

And of course as you create it adds context to the conversation you can have with others and with yourself on blogs such as this. I think it's about time I stop attending as well and start instigating...but more on that to come a little later.